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The World Famous Squeegee Story
There was story going around about Sid Vicious getting embarrassed in a bar by the WCW wrestlers.
As the story goes, Sid was in the bar talking a lot of trash, that all the small wrestlers in the company should just retire and make room for the taller bigger wrestlers.
Using the term Wrestling and Sid in the same sentence was a great injustice in my opinion. This guy was steroid huge but never drew a dime and totally sucked as a performer. That was what he was, a performer not a wrestler.
Anyway, the talk became heated and both Brian Pillman and Mike Graham stood up to Sid. These two guys were short guys but had big hearts and had had enough of Sid running them down. Sid began to make excuses in the bar saying that he had an injury to his arm and couldn't fight them. This injury looked to be a band-aid on his arm so the guys laughed him out of the bar.
Sid did return to fight them. He walked back to the bar with a squeegee and demanded a fight. Both Pillman and Graham fought over each other for the right to kick Sid's big ass and Sid ran out of the bar.
Well, I heard that story and thought it was worthy of a rib and had some fun with it in Greensboro. The day before the match, I made some homemade squeegees out of poster board. They were about a foot long and looked pretty cheap but it was the best I could do with such short notice. (I really did go looking around town for real squeegees but I couldn't find any.) I think there was not enough rain that spring and the squeegee crop was decimated. When the other members of the Front Row saw these things they said it was the stupidest idea I ever had and that it was a total waste of time. But I took them with me anyway.
As the card started the opening match had Mike Graham wrestling in it. Graham, the seasoned pro just blew the whole thing off with no reaction at all.
Then came the tag match with Brian Pillman and man the fun began then Pillman was walking to the ring and KC O Conner yelled out, "Hey Pillman! What would you do if Sid was here right now?"
Pillman just looked back and said, "If that big bastard ever shows his face around here, I will kick his big ass!"
During the match, we began to do the tomahawk chop with the squeegees and began to chant like they do during the Atlanta Braves and Florida State fans do.
Whaaaaaaaaaaa! Wa! Wa! Wa! Wa!, Wa! Wa!, Wa! Wa! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
It worked like a charm! Most of the fans had no idea what was going on but Pillman really went nuts laughing with us. After his match was over, he walked over to me and asked for a cardboard squeegee to take home. I said no problem and gave him one. Pillman walked around the ring doing the Squeegee chop and laughed all the way back to the dressing room.
The night was still young when out walked the worlds strongest man, Bill "I can't wrestle a lick" Kazmeyer. This huge muscle bound guy had won the strongest man competition many times and now was going to try to make a few bucks in Pro Wrestling. A few bucks were much more than this slug was worth.
Kazmeyer didn't have a hint how to wrestle a match and WCW thought he would bring over a bunch of crossover fans. Are there fans for pulling a bus or carrying a refrigerator? No, the guy just sucked out loud and everyone noticed.
As soon as he walked to the ring we all started giving him shit. Kazmeyer totally lost it and began to curse at us. I asked him if he knew that faces were not suppose to use language like that to the fans? It got worse when he got into the ring to face Lex Luger. Luger was a guy with a million dollar body but I never got the feeling he was ever comfortable being a wrestler. He tried, but he really wasn't that great but he stayed around wrestling for a long time collecting checks. I always liked Luger. At times it is hard to defend that but it is true. Gary Hart was managing Luger.
Well, the match was really slow and really bad. It was funny watching Luger sell all the power moves of Kazmeyer when that was exactly the moves people have been selling for him over the years. Luger would run into Kazmeyer and fall down. Luger would do the test of strength and fall to his knees in pain. And needless to say,selling for somebody is not Lex Luger's strength. The whole match was a mess. Luger frustrated rolled out of the ring and began pacing in front of us.
Then suddenly he turned and walked to me and said, "This match sucks!"
I said, "Yeah, Kazmeyer really stinks."
Luger is no longer in character and says, "This is very embarrassing. I want you to know that on nights like this you will understand why I want to walk away from all this shit!"
I said," Hey, we will start cheering and try to make it better."
Luger then says, "Good, do something because this really does suck!"
All during this exchange Gary Hart was horrified and I thought that was real funny.
Lex then steps back into character and starts the match again.
It wasn't that long of a match. Luger and Kaz lock up and we all began to chant, "It can only get better! It can only get better!"
Lex looked right at me and winked. I knew that meant he was going for the finish. Sure enough Lex trips Kazmeyer and covers him with his feet on the ropes for the three count.
The Front Row then exploded with cheers as Luger and Gary Hart walked away. Luger waved and laughed with us. Gary Hart looked like he bit into a hard frozen turd.
Then came the main event.
Cactus Jack verses Sting in a steel cage. Cactus walked out to the ring carrying a white towel and was really working the Front Row. I made a huge Cactus Jack Fan Club Banner and Cactus really loved it. Calmly, Cactus put the towel in his corner and then did his Bang! Bang! Routine and then caught his own spit out of the air.
The guy is all class.
Sting walks out and is laughing and Cactus attacks him at ringside. Man, we all went nuts as these two guys started raising hell right in front of us. They both fought all over the ringside table and then carried it into the ring. Both guys were really taking huge bumps that night and we all just cheered like crazy.
Suddenly, Sting ran to the other side of the ring and began to climb out of the cage. Cactus Jack ran after him and knocked him off the top rope and he crotched himself. Sting sold this nut shot like he got hit with an anvil and Cactus Jack calmly walked over to his corner.
Cactus smiled at the Front Row and bent over and picked up his towel.
With a quick jerk, Cactus exposed that under the towel was a real wooden squeegee! Man, we all began to scramble for our cardboard Squeegees and began the Squeegee chop! Cactus turned to us and proudly displayed the Squeegee and then began to stalk Sting with it.
When Sting turned and saw the dreaded Squeegee, he sold it like a shotgun and ran across the ring towards us in fear. It was priceless. Sting began to beg on his hands and knees!
Cactus looked at us and we cheered for him to kill Sting with the squeegee! Cactus then held the squeegee a loft and hit Sting over the head with it. Sting sold this like he was jumping on a trampoline and once again tried to climb out of the cage to escape the dreaded squeegee.
Cactus then beat Sting into the corner and with one arching swing missed Sting and dropped the brutal weapon of destruction. Sting picked it up and crushed the frightened Cactus Jack getting the pin.
After the match, Sting just began to laugh as he left the ring. Cactus broke the squeegee and threw it to us as a souvenir. Big Bud Grondy to this day displays his part of the squeegee on his mantelpiece.
Some jerk grabbed the other piece and took off with this small piece of wrestling history.
And in a sad way, it was history. That was the last regular night of wrestling in the Greensboro Coliseum, a history stretching back to the early nineteen sixties.
This is really the classic Front Row story but it has a strange twist of fate. This night could have been one of the reasons that a year later, Arn Anderson and Sid Vicious got in a brutal fight and nearly killed themselves in England. You know that everyone in the backroom joked about this night and made sport of Sid at every turn.
It does make you wonder.
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