Time at the Warthogs
This story takes us to Winston- Salem North Carolina and I was suppose to be Cruises bodyguard.
Suppose is an excellent word because the referee did a no show. There I was the hated 'Enforcer' being talked into being a referee by one of the Fantastics, Bobby Fulton. I have a lot of respect for Fulton. He was one of the few guys in New Dimension Wrestling that really knew what he was doing. I always felt safe in the ring with him but that would soon change.
Anyway, Bobby was really hammering at me to be tonight's ref but I really didn't want any part of that. But he wouldn't let up. I remember Bobby looking at me and saying, "Come on John, How many years have you watched wrestling? Thirty? I think you can figure it out. There is nothing to it! Just count the pins. NO BIG DEAL!" And the classic guilt line of all time, "We need you."
So like the fool I am, I agreed to do it. After all it was easy right? But there was a huge problem. Huge being my fat ass and the problem being the ref shirt was a medium. I swear to god I looked like a stuffed sausage in that damn shirt and sadly I knew it and I still found myself walking to the ring. What a dummy. So the first match was two young guys in a singles. I swear those guys did everything they knew in three minutes and the match was supposed to go fifteen. And I didn't think about telling them to slow down and I was dying in about sixty-three seconds.
Those guys had me jumping up and down every ten seconds. I finally started using the famous Broncho Lubich one knee pin count. I hated that stuff in World Class but what is a guy suppose to do when he is dying in there. And make no mistake about it, I was dead real fast. It was hot as hell in the ring.
Then I blew out my hamstring. Where was Tommy Young when you need him? The next match was a midget match. And I just about quit because you have to get low for those guys. I looked over at Cruise and Fulton and they were laughing their ass off at me. Welcome to the little leagues pal.
Thank God the last match was the main event. Scrappy? Scrappy? I need a tag. The match was Fulton with Chris Cruise as his evil manager verses The Beast Master, Ric Link. Cruise got lost real early in the match because it was the first time I wasn't directing traffic. Cruise was supposed to interfere but he kept missing his spots and that drove both Fulton and Link nuts. The one thing you do not want to face is an angry Beast Master. Or Fulton for that matter as I soon found out. That match was to have a ref bump in it but I didn't know when the damn thing was coming. I should have figured it was coming soon because of the heat but I was a dumb ass and didn't see it coming until Fulton called for it out of nowhere.
Suddenly, Fulton said, "Mister Referee, it is time for your bump." I was standing in the middle of the ring and was not ready for this at all. Fulton came off the ropes and knocked the shit out of me. I went head over heels in a 540 and landed on my head against the ropes. I was seeing stars big time and was worried that I had broken my leg. I was really fortunate because I was just knocked silly and nothing was broken. They went for the finish with Link winning the match and I was supposed to count the three count. It took me awhile to crawl over there and make the one two three.
It was very dramatic because the crowd really did wonder if I could make it or not. The bump was that bad. I crawled over on my elbows and hit the count and the place got a huge pop. But as you know by now, I was dying. I really took my time getting to the back of the baseball field and Chris Plano was nowhere to be found.
Yep, the promoter had disappeared. I was going to get paid for this or I was going to kill the guy. I was really hurting but I was hot enough to do real damage to Plano.
I finally found him and my payoff was twenty dollars. Twenty dollars was a shitty payoff but it did mean something to me. I was now a paid professional. We did go back to Winston Salem and I got to manage with Cruise and we got real heat. Cruise was really good playing a heel and the crowd hated him. I fed him a line about the Demon Deacons sucking at football. Which is true. But Cruise didn't follow sports so he dumped all over NC State instead. That is a face move in Winston- Salem.
Anyway, I began to pick up the heel slack and began hammering Wake Forest for not winning anything in sports period. I even brought out the fact that with Tim Duncan they still didn't win shit. That was proof that they suck. Yep, Wake ain't the Tar Heel that is for sure. I really did get these fans going. It turned out that night at the ballpark was a Wake Forest Homecoming and these folks were hot as hell at me. Hey, all I was doing was telling the truth.
We began to leave the ring and the Winston Salem Warthog Mascot started talking trash to me. I couldn't believe it but this guy in the stupid suit wanted a piece of me! I tried to get away from him by running. I bet this was funny to the crowd watching me throwing a stiff arm at this Warthog as he chased me down. That was a very bad move because this nut got some momentum and tackled my ass in the outfield and really fucked me up. I had a huge knot on my leg and I didn't think I could make our next match.
But I had to go on with our match because Cruise and I were managing a midget. I booked the whole match and got to choke the good guy midget and then get panned by Cruise to set up the pin. Think about it, how many times to you get to choke a midget in your life?
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