I remember it clearly. I was eleven years old and on the cusp of puberty. My hormones were stirring like a gathering storm, and my body was changing rapidly in scary, grown-up ways. Girls, whom I’d previously found "icky" were suddenly...not so icky.
look at the blossoming young ladies in my elementary school classroom
and want to (gasp!) kiss them. It was a young boy’s worst nightmare,
even worse than those bad dreams I’d been having about the Sid &
Marty Krofft-invented creatures from "Sigmund and the Sea Monsters"
chasing after me. Girls were way worse than monsters. Girls were real.
What would my friends think? How could I focus on the newest issues of
Uncanny X-Men and New Teen Titans when my mind was swirling with images
of females I’d previously thought gross but now found beautiful?
I was suddenly sniffing my female classmates’ sweet scent instead
of doing my usual, kicking them in their scabby shins.
But my other dads helped too. When my virginity became something I wanted to shed, I turned to Dr. Jason Seaver from "Growing Pains" for advice, although I must admit that I didn’t take the abstinence path quite as long as his son, Mike Seaver, did.
When I needed advice about school and college and my future, I turned to Dr. Huxtable from "The Cosby Show," because, boy, Theo Huxtable sure was turning into a fine young man.
of all my many television dads, Mike Brady from "The Brady Bunch"
was my favorite. I wanted (and still want) to be a Brady. Mr. Bradys advice
covered all of life’s many quandaries. I learned from Mr. Brady
about greed and vanity and jealously and fairness, but most of all, I
learned that you shouldn’t play ball in the house.
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